Thursday, April 12, 2007

Things to Ponder II

Two weeks ago, I gave a list of things to ponder. Here is a sequal to the first one:

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

How can there be self-help groups?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?

In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

How do you throw away a garbage can?

Why is it that you must wait until night to call it a day?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

Can a man in a wheel chair really follow in someone's footsteps?

Do dyslexics have more fnu?

If a child curses in sign language does their mother wash their hands with soap?

Is there another word for synonym?

If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

If a mime is arrested, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why are there handicapped parking spaces outside of an iceskating rink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why do banks leave both doors open, and chain their pens to the desks?

What happens when you are scared half to death twice?

If Barbie is so popular then why do you have to buy her friends?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Since bread is square, why is sandwich meat round?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Why do people honk for peace?

Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

What is the speed of dark?

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Reader submitted ones:
If you put spot remover on your dog, will it disappear?

Why do we say a drain must be opened up because it is stopped up?

Got anything else to add? Put them in the comments.

2 comments:

Aeshir said...

Why do you chop a tree down, and then chop it up?

And just for kicks:

I'm not insane! At least...that's what the voices tell me....

Anonymous said...

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

Gun Control is a steady hand.

Honk if you like peace and quiet!

Everybody needs to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.